Guns N Roses: Singles ’21-’23 (Weird Review)

GnR is one of those weird bands that likes to play by its own rules, making obscure and unconventional decisions. After all, they are the notorious bad boys of rock ‘n’ roll, right? Well, if they want to play this game uniquely, then we will play along.

GnR has released four singles from their upcoming album, which is either their sixth or seventh in their catalog, depending on how you count it. This album, which we are still not 100% sure that is going to be the actual album, titled “Re-heated Can of Worms,” features songs that either didn’t endure the late ’90s to early/mid-2000s torture known as the Chinese Democracy sessions, or they weren’t fitting for a 14-song single CD in the year when CDs stopped being a thing. Alternatively, they might have been part of an imaginary trilogy or whatever.

Without further ado, let’s dig into these reheated songs before they get cold again

1.Absurd (August 6, 2021)

It is absurd to make and release new music today but you just kept bothering me with it. “When is the new music coming out”? “New music this, new music that, blah. blah, blah….” So, since you’ve wanted it so bad, than here you go. I have one for you! Listen, motherfuckers, to the song that actually should be heard. The one that was backed down in the gutter for all these years (by you) is actually more than you deserve. But okay, I added some proper guitars and bass so you can enjoy your bag of frantic, punky, hot silkworms for today.

2.Hard Skool (September 23, 2021)

So, you don’t like this stuff, huh? You don’t have the appetite for it? But anyway, you had to play it ‘cool’ and do it your way! This doesn’t sound like Guns N Roses blah, blah…. I guess you would rather see me go all the way old school? Okay, then, you’ll get it. But don’t bother me with it after this. Not old school but “Hard Skool” or “skull” or whatever other illusion you have of me doing this thing again. Proper guitars, actual riffs, melodies, solos, normal-sounding drums, and bass… Is that what you all really want?

3.Perhaps (August 18, 2023)

You still don’t get it, do you? There are no new songs! These songs are the ones I have. The ones I’ve always had, and until I release them all, there are not going to be any new ones. Well, perhaps, perhaps I was wrong when I didn’t see this. Or perhaps I was wrong when I thought you would get it already? But I was wrong, again. And besides, looks like you still don’t dig these songs? After all the rearrangements I have done, and after all that Slash and Duff brought to the table in trying to make these songs more comfortable for your unprofessional ears. Perhaps, I was wrong again…

However, if the previous two weren’t enough for you, maybe you want something more estranged sounding. Perhaps this “how could you be so fine” shit will make you feel more illusioned about who I am or how I feel or what i really want.

4.The General (December 8, 2023)

Nothing, huh? You’re not satisfied yet? Now, I am pissed off. Like, heavy pissed. St. Louis level pissed! What? Someone said I have a heavy song? Well, I’ll give you a heavy song. I’ll give you the song that will make you so miserable listening to it, to feel like I felt while I went through it all. I’ll make you all suffer, make you all hate it from the first listen, from the first note you hear until the very end.

And there are not many of them in this one. I tried to be raw and punky with you; I tried to give you melodic riffs and tasteful pianos, but you just couldn’t appreciate it at all. You know what? You deserve nothing better than this! And stop saying my voice is over! Those are just the studio effects that I’ve spent almost 20 years perfecting. But what the heck do you know about the studio ‘n stuff…

In the end, we got only four songs so far. For the rest of the album, we’ll need to wait another 14 years of silence, 14 years of pain…. and it won’t be the first.

On the other hand, judging by the tempo of releasing these four songs, maybe Guns N Roses have established a pattern: two singles per year, then a year of pause, and then the same again. If this is true, we can expect the next single to be released in the summer of 2025. Who knows?

Hey, it’s Guns N’ Roses; they are weird, you know. Weird for the sake of being weird in a time when being weird stopped being an number one option in the world oh rock and metal music.

EXPLANATION: Instead of the old boring song-by-song review where I was supposed to tell you how this or that song sounds, which you can hear with your own ears, you get this alternative review that is some kind of a fiction. So read it and understand it on your own responsibility.

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